Book Review: How to be an Alien

George Mikes’ shortest chapter is also his most famous: “Continental people have sex life; the English have hot-water bottles.”

When George Mikes published “How to be an Alien” in 1946, he fully expected to face the anger of the British people: the book was full of very rude things about Britain and her people. Instead his book was an instant success in the UK, and it is easy to see why.

“How to be an Alien” was written as a guide for ‘foreigners’ (anyone who is not British, even in their own country) to behaving in a British way. It covers everything from introductions (do not click your heels, do not bow) to dealing with Civil Servants (don’t bother bribing them: they won’t do what you want no matter who you are or how much money you have) through housing (“search for ‘Seven Oaks’ and find a house with three apple-trees”) and, of course, tea (never refuse a cup).

Above all, “How to be an Alien” is a very funny book which offers some genuine insights into the British. True, we are not the same as we were in 1946, but we are not very different: we still like to queue and drink tea, and preferably both at the same time; our buses still play games with their passengers; and, although the police no longer have to advertise their presence to speeding drivers with brightly-painted police cars, the same sense of fair play which Mikes identified in 1946 means that our speed cameras have to be painted bright yellow to give the speeding motorist time to slow down.

Should you wish to explore further, Mikes wrote two further books about England, and all three books are available in the ‘minibus’ “How to be a Brit”, which is advertised as “a complete guide to the British Way of Life”. Both books are available in Penguin paperbacks from good bookshops.